B2B

The title is an acronym (?) for my current status....Back to Blogging. O ha O ha! Umaacronym pa. Well, i only did a single post for this blog simply because I got too busy with my new job; however, i got so used to it, that it became such a bore. need a little diversity and a little form of expression, kinda loaded up recently. I'm working in the morning shift and it's more boring at this shift since it is the least busy time of the day...as in no busyness at all. So here i am again, trying to rekindle the juice I lost quite a few months/years ago....

Things got a little bit rocky when i learned that my not so long time crush just had a boyfriend, did not really got hurt but was a little shocked, On a casual day, after he gave me a ring he got for me when" they went to Baguio, he just told me casually, "Kami na ni chorvah". Good thing I was already bound home that time so i did go home the fastest way I can, I was literally trembling over the words he said, me riding the Jeep for 30 minutes or so was like burning in hell, that time, what i wanted to do is just to go home, lie in bed and sulk in tears. 30 mins or so of hell was over and I was finally home. Lying in bed, I was waiting for the tears to come, 5, 10, 15, 30 minutes had passed but they are nowhere near. I was taken aback that no tears had fallen since i usually am a cry baby when it comes to these events, but I guess, time teaches teh best. Since I am nowhere near crying I jumped off the bed and went out...to the mall for some coffee, my only refuge, when all else fails, sugar rush doesn't. There outside the mall, I was watching passers by....we...pass by, when i thought of texting B (one of my gurlfriends) to come over and join me, seems like she also has her own share of heartaches, and then there we were, talking about how the guys we think we loved had dumped us but failed to give us the hurt we were prepared for. Maybe we prepared for it too hard, and our hearts....just as hard.

As we were talking we noticed that for some time now we were trying to be so nice to other people that we forgot about ourselves. I think for sometime we both neglected our health, the way we look, the way we talk, the way we do things. We used to be very independent, strong and simply oblivious that love existed but all of a sudden it dawned upon us that we no longer know who we are now; we are a mere product of what we thought boys would like, not us, just someone else we created. So we agreed that form now on, we'll start rebuilding ourselves that way it was, some changes really are not for the better, but we can always change it back and a little bit better. We'll start going to spa's again, salons and stuff like that. A friend of hers said, "Hindi mo siya mahal, nasanay ka lang na nadiyan siya" and she is perfectly right. I just got used to him, there was love...maybe but nothing romantic, just got used to the thought and got so attached to the thought, not the person. The thought was lost, so is the attachment, not a single piece of my heart was shattered, not a bone broken, not a finger swollen. Now I can finally say...watch out. The bitch is back!