Lately, I have been having some work related problems that's really stressing me out. I was given an ultimatum to shape up or else....well, you know the drill. Aside from being feeling so fucked up, I felt perplexed as I should have never gone to this situation. I am good and everybody knows it, so why the shit?
I tweeted about this a few days ago that I only am a shadow of my former self, that I should get out of the sunlight so I can go back to the way I used to be. Seems like I got so complacent with the fact that I am good....so good it failed. Of all the hardest things that I can ever do; admitting I am at fault is the hardest. I never do it, rarely do I even realize that I am at fault. Technically, it is a psychological glitch but I would like to call it arrogance.
Time has gone by and I forgot to doubt myself. It is essential to doubt oneself so as to see faults within your own field and I so forgot that. Trusting yourself is never a wrong thing to do, but trusting too much is. Too much of something or anything is never good. Never really good. I do not regret the things I have done because of this but I regret not having thought of it much much deeper. I was never like this before, I am a perfectionist, very much articulate, questions everyone and everything even myself but somewhere along the way I stopped asking questions. I do not know why this happened but it just did. I stopped striving for perfection, I lost my eye for detail and I lost the drive to step up and be noticed; an attribute I was really proud of back in the days.
Common practice is to promise that you are gonna be doing good just so you can impress your boss but I disagree, I am not doing it for my boss. I need to do it for myself. This is much much bigger than my career, this is something about the way that I do things on my daily life. I am losing myself, I am losing the one thing I am very proud of, i am slowly fading away just like a shadow, and without the sunlight, I am non existent. Focus is key and has always been, guess I'll just have to heed somebody's advice, rather than heed it from myself.
Maybe it will all go back to the way it was, maybe I will have to stay this way or maybe this is just a gate for a new endeavor and for a new and better me. I can never tell and neither does anyone.
